It's mostly been a lot of going to and from work for me.  Listening to my 90s rock.  I think the only way I will hear new albums is to buy relatively new used CDs at thrift stores.  Which I will most likely think are terrible and chuck out the window.  So, if this happens, then NW Iowa highways are going to be littered with Senses Fail (?) CDs.  I say Senses Fail, 'cause for some reason the local Goodwill has lots of Senses Fail t-shirts and Senses Fail CDs.

Are you supposed to keep Pepto Bismol refrigerated?  I bought some Pepto the other day.  It's just sitting here.  I may take a swig of it.  Seems healthy somehow, even if your stomach is not upset.  It's basically pink milk, right?  It reminds me of the pink cows in FarmVille.  I bet that is what they produce, Pepto Bismol.  My New Year's resolution was to quit playing FV, and I did.  After I bought a manor and an NZ flag.  Zynga somehow sucked $15 out of me.  

Nothing matters much 'cept getting to NZ.  Going to apply for a passport this week.  Hopefully end up married in NZ. 

Night shift is great, so much better than the day shift.  Far fewer people, only like ten of us.  Only problem is last night I started getting giggling fits.  I thought, if it keeps up like this, I may die laughing.  It's a very humorous world, but you always forget the joke.  I remember laughing to myself in bed one morning, and I was like, "It's so obvious how funny this is...yet I still know I'm going to forget."

So I guess some of the morning girls make upwards of $15 an hour for this, which isn't bad.

Which reminds me of Camilla?  I was reading in the Enquirer about how insane she is for breaking up in laughing fits.  And I'm like, "Insane?"  There she is with Charles...she's seen the guy in bed.  He's being paraded around like he's some kind of king.  Must be hysterical.  If anything she's perfectly sane.

I recently got gift cards, with which I purchased The Bends, Core, Dookie, and In Utero.  All hail 90s rock.

 The winter storm was quite enjoyable.  I would wish for another one, but I've got $$$ to save.  Come what may.

Day One, got stuck on the exit on the way to work.  Had to pay a tow truck $107 to get it out. 

Day Two, took my receipt to the insurance company.  In the rush to get it cashed, locked my keys in the car.  Locksmith: $48.  The memories, da di da di da.

Now, the weekend...  Wish there was something to do.  The thing I am looking forward to the most is my copy of Windows 7, so I can write some stories.  Windows 98 just isn't cutting it.  For instance, this dialogue box repeatedly blinks as I type in it.

First there's the guy getting zipped up in a body bag and dropped off a building...now last night there's this...I don't know...pretty boy standing in his kitchen.  And that guy from the Sopranos is like, "What are you going to tell your aunt and uncle?" and suddenly shoots him in the stomach with a shotgun and the guy slumps over on the kitchen counter, stunned, and his eyes quickly turn completely bloodshot as thick, dark red blood pours out of his mouth.

It's like, these aren't pleasant dreams.  Not at all! 

Yesterday I took a nap and dreamed there was a river outside my house, and an old WW2 plane dropped bombs into the river.  And one of the bombs was clear and filled with a pink taffy like substance and my dad said not to shoot at it.  I think I had a gun.

I sent a package to <3Dakota today, and then traveled to Sioux City, just for something to do.  Went to the Salvation Army, saw a Blind Melon tape and was like, "I'm holding out 'til I got a tape deck."  Then I went around the corner and found an awesome tape deck.  



Evidently it was owned by a Dr.  It's still in the box with all the instructions...even the price tag.  And there's a tape inside about teaching one to do something medical..."Reinventing Medicine".  Oh, happy day!  $10

I know everyone is very private about their butts.  Just thought it should be acknowledged.  *shrug!* Went to the Goodwill today and found some bathroom fixtures.  Two owls with eyes that loll in their heads.

Job has been going...okay. It's sort of crazy, how "perfect" everything has to be. It's like, who is this anal asshole we're doing this for, anyway? He's no man, I can tell you that much. So it's fundamentally a little bit gay. Which is fine if you're gay, but I'm going to have to adjust, maybe slip through the cracks a little bit. I'm not gonna run around with a stick up my ass, I can tell you that much, but I'm working on incentive, which requires some speed. I'm pretty good at doing things efficiently, though, so as soon as I figure out exactly what I'm doing, I will build up speed incrementally.

But for it to be automatically assumed that I should be fucked in the ass? Not happening. Makes it difficult to fit in, in this day and age, what with everybody taking things in and putting things in each other's asses. Like it's sane... Everybody's got this false idea of perfection that can never be lived up to, yet they are trying to live up to. Everybody's gone clinically insane. Just hope I can survive.

Males develop erectile dysfunction later in life because they unknowingly got molested up the ass their whole lives. Our society is way WAAAAY too anal. Knock it. Off.

Excellent shark wind chime, anyone? Fulfilling all of my chime needs I'll ever have in one fell swoop.
( You know you are intrigued. )

Keeping track!

I uh... Yeah, there was yesterday. Mike and I drove to Sioux City, Target, and bought a frying pan for his mom's b-day. Then we went to the mall. I got an Orange Julius. Then we went to Marty's and watched TV.

Dunno what I'll do today, my other day off. Not sure if I want to go to school or not anymore, though I got a grant for $6000+. I'll just have so little time, and now that I have a girlfriend, I need more time to talk to her. Better decide pretty quick. I need more people to tell me what to do, to zero in on exactly what I should be doing. We'll weigh all the angles together and turn me into a person.

Been recording lots of songs on my karaoke machine (Aaron's karaoke machine he left here 100 years ago.) Such bad quality! Gonna send a demo tape to some folk labels. Maybe I'll go into my garage and record more songs today, though I will freeze my ass off. My garage is not attached to the house, and it's terribly poorly taken care of. Like, one whole side the roof is missing. Well, not "whole side", but where the ceiling meets the wall. And there is a computer monitor in there, and old carpet and cans strewn about. Probably snow in there.

Maybe go to Goodwill and see if they have a TV. My sister gave me the Commodore 64! I need to buy Q-Bert now.

So my job has been going well thus far. I am staying positive about it, in hopes that that will aid me in success at it. I feel like the machine I am working on is the LHC at this point. There are precise tunings I have to do that I really enjoy doing, so I hope that they keep me on after the training period.

UH...there is also colorful paint, and this colorful paint gets all over my clothes. It is a colorful paint extravaganza!

The machine I am working on is called the Terminator, and I had dreams that terminators were coming to get me. Then I dreamed that I was being shown a huge field of these circular resonator plates...I recall there were some under train tracks, under a bridge, and I was being told that the ancients used them to generate power somehow.

We are all insane children. Like, I can imagine a gymnasium full of children of all different races and creeds, before any of that bullshit they were fed or went through...now which crazy ass kid is gonna be the first one to murder?

If we buy less stuff, there will be less stuff to make, so we won't have to work as much. Tell me what you think about my idea.

I feel so terribly sad, I guess, tonight. Though it is a loving, pleasant feeling. Thinking about beautiful Thanksgiving and all the beautiful happy families who will be loving each other. It's really great.

Then there are the starving malnourished people, the homeless people. People just like you and me. And they've got nobody to love them and they're going to die.

It's just life, it's just life. Ahhhh.

Somebody made a good suggestion today: Go feed the ducks. I was a little depressed about the redundancy of napping.

So I took a piece of bread and went to the ducks. But they all jumped in the water as I approached. It was a really pretty afternoon anyway. It had rained; the clouds were passing. Violet and pink reflecting off the pavement.

I wonder if I still have my Dick Tracy figures. ha! I had them all...I bought them with cans. Not actually handing the cashier cans, but you know. I remember one time, my friends and I brought cans back... They took the cans outside once they cashed them. Then we took the cans again and ran away from the attendant. I had all the figures except No Face (or what have you) which you had to specially order from Sears or something.

I'm thinking about sending my He-Men to Atticus. I wonder if he'd like them.

Man, there are all kinds of houses for rent around here for like $350.

Havin' a jaw ache today. Nothin' to do.

There are actually people who exist who are adept at controlling other people simply by changing their emotional tone, acting. There are people who make a game of this and treat people they are supposed to love, who need their love, as though they don't even exist. Merely objects.

It may not always be possible to tell who these people are. It could be practically anyone, and you wouldn't know until you were sucked in. And after forty years of hell, you'll still be being pawned because you'll be fooled emotionally into thinking it's what's best for you. Or that there is an immediate danger in being any other way.

I don't think people really understand this. There are actually people like this out there. It isn't even that extremely uncommon.

It doesn't matter, and yet it really does. It doesn't because life is nothing if you can't build trusting relationships with other people. But it does because these people are actually out there and you can get trapped. *shrug*

I guess everyone already knew there were crazy people out there. It's just something I find fascinating.

I got the job at Staples! I'm going to be a screen printer. I don't actually get to make the designs, but I get to operate the machine and change the screens and maybe paint and such. Pay is somewhere between eight fifty and ten fifty an hour for this. I didn't quite understand. But it definitely beats Walm-Art.

So sooner rather than later I'll be able to get my own apt.ment. I'm getting apt. Then everyone can come visit me.

On another note, certain people, strangers, and situations have begun seeming eerily familiar to me, as though I have...seen them somewhere before. Strange phenomenon. Anybody else get this? I wouldn't call it deja vu exactly.

I am coming face to face with the things I don't need as a person. The things you're conditioned to want, but that, perhaps, I really don't want at all. Buddhism.

My delusions...perhaps the only one I suffer from is the delusion that I can rid myself of all delusion. But daily I have been undergoing changes of perspective, almost like becoming an entirely different person, though I'm only becoming more true to myself, as my delusions are trampled. And I am crushed. It's fun to see clearly.

I have no regrets. Everything is perfect as it is, being entirely necessary for existence to exist. Because it is the way it is. When you're delusional you can't really make the choices that are best for yourself, because in a way you're really not being yourself. You look back in better light and you understand just as clearly as anyone else how bad you were being. And hope for understanding. What's been lost, what's been gained? What will be gained?

Nothing beats being small. You have no obligations. No false image to attain.